Merry Christmas!

Caution, this article is not for people who get easily offended 

That black dude from Casablanca doesn’t lie, time really flies goddamn fast. Its already 14 days before Christmas.  The time of mistletoe, fake tree, fat jolly old man, and countless obviously meaningless jazz musician sell their talent to the devil called money by making a Christmas album finally arrives?  Not again! I only kidding. Because of my unhappy childhood memories, Christmas time always feels like a magical time, even though I live in the third world country where there’s no snow around. But enough of all that stupid bullshit about Christmas. You guys probably already bored of the same old movie that always invade your screen at Christmas right? Movies like Home Alone, Jingle all the Way, Santa Clause or even Die Hard. You’re the luckiest human on earth by reading my blog, because all these movie below will change your 2011 Christmas moment from boring into the most awesome moment of the year if you decided to watch it.

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To kicking off things I choose Nagashi Oshima’s In the realm of the Sense. Why? Because there’s a great amazing scene on it that depicted some pervert guy tasting a girl menstrual blood. How’s that for Christmas? Don’t get me wrong, In the realm of the sense is a great art movie. Actually, I prefer to say that its a great pornographic movie disguised as an art. But this is the movie to go if you want to make some kind of rebellion to old testament bullshit kinda of Christmas because even for all those damn weird Japanese people, In the realm of the sense can be considered as the movie that breaking the barrier that tackles cultural taboos and perceptions between man and female in a very extreme fashion.
All those awkward kissing under the mistletoe getting replaced by grope and groping.

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Marked for Death is a 1990 action movie starring Steven Seagal. For those who never heard Steven Seagal’s name you should be ashamed of yourself. This is the guy that every human being since Vietnam wars always linked to Christmas. All of his movie always using Christmas as the background. Marked for Death tell us the story of Chicago DEA agent John Hatcher. When a gang of drug dealer influenced by Voodoo magic invaded his old neighborhood, John Hatcher taking that personally because he’s in bad mood, just like the tag line said. He hunted all those sorry sob who doesn’t stood a chance fighting against him, just like everybody who acting against Seagal. Back breaking, eye gouging, naked boobs, bone snapping, arms getting ripped off, people getting hit by a hammer, naked boobs(again), everything epitomed a Seagal movies is in here. There’s nothing better than watching Steven Seagal played himself kicking everybody’s balls in Christmas evening. This movie will remind us, that even though its Christmas, there’s still war in other part of the world.

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The third movie is The Last Temptation of Christ. This is the movie that offers us some kind of alternate version of Jesus life, played convincingly by Norman Osborn,  if he decided to married that hot Mary Magdalene. This is the only movie that really paid Jesus Christ the compliment of taking him and his message seriously, as Roger Ebert Says. But for me, this is only an entertainment. But if its good enough to make me laugh, it is safe enough for everybody’s to watch. So bring every single person in your family to gather around in front of your TV,even all those stupid little kids and jolly boring old fat grandpa,  and plug in the movie. Enjoy the best Christmas that you will ever get.

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I choose this fourth movie to challenge you guys to find the real meaning of Christmas. Its Rise of the Planet of the Apes. When a groundbreaking serum to cured Alzheimer’s disease being tested to a chimpanzee, all hell break loose. The apes learns emotion. The apes learns how to eat using spoon. the apes learns that 25th December is Christmas. I considered this seventh flick from Planet of the Apes franchise as one of the best movie in 2011. The Script was smart and surprisingly enjoyable. When you watched all those tortured scene, you will remember the way Santa treat all of his reindeer. Nothing more Christmas-y than this movie. Totally recommended!

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