The Top 5 Incredibly Popular(yet boring and moronic) Movies in The Last 10 Years

I love movie and the industry behind it. Even after all those last crappy couples of years(especially almost everything that Hollywood produces and touches), the arena is still inspired me to write,  even though sometimes, its not always for the good thing.  Take this entry for example. This is the 5 incredibly popular movie(or franchise/series) that manages to mislead billions of audience into buying the tickets full of stupidness and idiotic flicks. I’m not even going to count the home video sales. Probably once again, this is the reason why people’s(majority) taste is going downhill, and never bounces back. Because public is already getting their throat shoves by all this crap in the bucket, and personified their minds that all of the movies below is the MASTERPIECE of Hollywood. I know I know, its just entertainment dude, don’t get any higher expectations except some useless time to eat popcorn before you watch all these movies, but frankly even my lowest expectation didn’t get any stumpy than all of this shit. Come on, I don’t need any Shawnshank Redemption. What I need is a fun guilty pleasure, but what I found is a moronic tale.

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Transformer Franchise

Who said that Michael Bay can’t be dumber after ruining Pearl Harbor? Although its not fair to judge this Michael Bay’s work of art because I’ve yet to watched the third one, which people already think the best out of the three. The problem is, I don’t care about the third one, I will never watched the third one. Why? Probably because I’m ignorant and arrogant SOB or probably I’m just sick and tired watching  all those robots/humans with cardboard personality fucking each other up, or probably because the first two is sucks so hard its making my ass ache just thinking that I’m going to watch the third one. I’m saying too many probably in this blog.

The Bad, The stupid, and  The Boring :

  • Michael Bay is anything but subtle. Explosion explosion and explosion just to make the plot moving forward. This guy almost literally make my eyes bleed. Too noisy.
  • Robot fighting or action bombastic scene is always good no matter how moronic it is, but the cut in this all Transformer is too fast to be enjoyable. Sometimes its so hard to really identified whatever it is on screen. Is it Optimus Prime dick? or is it Megatron’s ass? But they’re managed to perfectly shows Devastator balls. What is up with that?
  • The plot. Its always over explained and trying so hard to be COMPLICATED and came out becoming a huge pile of stupid crap. Oh, and this is the best one, there’s a side-plot involving one of the DECEPTICON getting a hard on over Megan Fox character. Even Shia Le Bouf, the main star of this movie is saying he doesn’t understand the plot. Geez. I still don’t get it what people actually like in this franchise.
  • The logic. I can go on and on, but I’m gonna give one perfect example. Seriously all the Decepticon is invicible to bullet(except probably missile or any armor piercing heavy weapon), but what the fuck is all human doing by always firing their tiny guns on all those robots? Oh, and to make it more brilliant, the DECEPTICON is hiding from them too. Fucking stupid.

Transformer's Balls. Even the quick cut still could catch it.

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The Fast and the Furious Franchise

Vin Diesel. I still memorize the thing he does to show how bad ass he can be if he want to. Coming out from the powerful indie sci-fi movie Pitch Black, Diesel with his overly macho voice starring in a new franchise about street racing. As time goes by, the franchise isn’t about racing anymore which I didn’t give a fuck at the first place. Its transformed into some kind of heist parody movie that annoyingly shows up every 2-3 years. The only thing that all first four series shares is that it absolutely sucks.

The Bad, The stupid, and  The Boring :

  • That pretty boy Paul Walker. This guy can’t act. Just watched all of his movie. He’s basically playing the same version of him only with different clothes. The only good thing about him is that this guy is completely sucks it makes me laugh every time his face showing up in the silver screen. Well, laughing is better than sleeping right? Read the next point.
  • The plot is so typical, predictable, and unimaginative. The protagonist always win and run like a chicken after the heist or whatever it is, ALWAYS. The fourth sequel really makes me fall asleep.
  • The soundtrack and the bitches. My god, this is the worst point. That stupid pretentious fake R&B/Hip Hop fusion wannabe combined with ass, ass, and asses everywhere. EVERY FUCKING MOVIE. Cheap.
  • This is the franchise that responsible to fucking up Diesel Career into some plain typical actor. I know, Vin Diesel is already a very limited actor. So does Schwazenegger. But look at the Governor resume. Predator, Commando, Red Dawn, Terminator, True Lies. All the manly badass macho-poncho stuff(Even arnold got some lass shit in his filmography too). Diesel even succeed changed the killer look persona of Riddick to Dom pointless Moreno. I do like Vin Diesel. that’s probably the only reason I watched this franchise(Beside the Rock in the fifth Entry)

Where the hell our Careers go man?

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Alice in Wonderland

Seriously, for the last Decade, Tim Burton is way overrated. I don’t know why, but a lot of people seems highly think about Burton’s Movie. Yea, he made a big deal out of Batman 20 years ago, and went on to create one of the greatest old tales Adaptation ever in Sleepy Hollow. But ever since Limp Bizkit starting to trashed our ear in an album with a shitty name, almost all of his movie is a joke or just becoming some kind of tampon to shows us  that visualization is the only good thing he can do. And Alice in Wonderland is the huge culmination of all the shit that he created.

  The Bad, The stupid, and  The Boring :

  • Too generic, trying so hard to become some crossover between artsy and pansy and coming out as a transvestite dumb movie.  I mean, what the hell is that with that battle at the end of movie? This is Alice in Wonderland, not Lord of the Rings or Chronicles of Narnishit. Epic battle isn’t always good you dummy.
  • Johnny Depp. This guy is a sellout now. The Great Johnny Deep in Ninth Gate, Sleepy Hollow, Chocolat, or Don Juan De Marco is gone, sinking in a pile of dollars that filling up his bank account. His Mad hatter version is annoying to watch. The name is MAD hatter. Not Jackass Hatter
  • The great thing about the original Alice in Wonderland is the emotion. This version, I don’t feel any connection at all with the stories and the character. There’s no charm at all. Too Random. The only connection established when I watched it is between my brain and my ass. They switches places.
  • All the people who watched it and think its a magnificent movies. My god. Open your eyes fellas. Just because the flick had an unique and quirky setting doesn’t make it a good movie.

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The Pirates of the Caribbean Franchise

Another Johnny Depp movie. But this is not his fault. Jack Sparrow actually is a great character based on The Rolling Stone guitarist Keith Richards. What’s wrong with this movie? This is the culmination of mindless fast scene after fast scene without any compelling traits to the script that plagues the MTV Generations of franchise. Kinda like transformer, but this time, in the high sea. At least Jackass series doesn’t pretend that they’re a joke.

The Bad, The stupid, and  The Boring :

  • Its okay if the stories is stupid. Its okay if the stories is boring. At least it got stories. But what pirates of the Caribbean did to us its like with all the stand up comedian trying to do. Perform at the stage, bring something funny to say or to act, or some shit to blows up without even caring to the plot(and probably forget what the hell is going on in this movie), and eats up all the dollar from all the stupid people who watched this movie(Sadly, that’s including me. Fuck. I will pirating the last one!)
  • Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightley. Enuff said. Bloom is the shitty spot in the beautiful painting called Lord of the Rings. In this franchise, he manages to deliver one of the most cardboaxes performance of all time. His chemistry with one of the most overrated actress(and flat chested) of all time is zero.
  • Heavy CGI infused. Its Jerry Bruckheimer. What can I say? But I think this franchise would be better if filming in a more old school kinda way. Sword buckling hand to hand master of commander style. But its Disney. What did I expect? Geez.
  • Whats the different between all the three entry? Nothing. They’re look exactly the same. Same old joke. Same old character. Same old shit. And people still buying it.

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The Twilight Franchise 

This is the mother of it all. Nothing is more stupid, moron, pointless, crappy, idiotic and yet HUGE popular than this SAGA. This is the saga that reinvent the “PLEASE KILL ME BEFORE THE MOVIE ADDS ANOTHER MINUTES TO MY LIFE” Genre. This is the greatest con that Hollywood ever do to me.

  The Bad, The stupid, and  The Boring :

  • Werewolves and Vampires rivalry. No matter how bad the script is, no matter what kind of B movies is, we can always expect a good fight scene out of it from vampire and giant bully in a fur. But in twilight, the werewolves and vampires becoming some pussy shameless coward character that usually exist in Beverly hills 90210 series. There’s not even a single decent fighting scene in it! The werewolves and vampires too busy mirroring, playing baseball, standing in the rain and jerking to them selves.
  • Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. For all the moron who thinks that I got the dark envy side of me taking control for hating a good looking actor, let me tell you something. My favorite actor is John Cussack, Thomas Jane, and Nathan Fillion. Are they an ugly looking person? Now, the Popularity of this Pattinson is  massive. It proof something. That you can sell anything in this world as long as you got pretty face in the cover. You want to sell a hamburger taste like a chicken shit? Put Robert Pattison face on it. People will buy it. For a movie that put a heavy emphasis to the relationship between the two main star, the chemistry between these two clowns is below zero. I don’t feel it. Why the fuck that vampire fall in love to that loser flat chested annoying nerd is beyond me.
  • Everything about the movie is godly awful. The script. The music is predictable. The costume design is like watching some backyard redneck people without styles. Even fans of this franchise is incredibly lame. Every single time that damn Pattinson showing his glow in the sunshine skin in the screen, everybody’s screaming. Gosh.
  • ME. Why the fuck am I doing watching these franchise? Well, I got tricked into it by a girl every time the movie came out.

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